Tag Archives: Love

Troubled Water

23 Sep

(4) For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had. (7) The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.   John 5:4&7

I can feel it -

 the shaking,

 the stirring,

 inside.


The angels 

 have troubled the water,

 deep within me.


Who will help me,

 draw close to the pool,

 where pure love,

 can heal?


Where the Glory of God,

 lights the dark recesses

 of doubt.


If I move quickly,

 toward the call of God,

 the desperate corners,

 I find to hide in,

 will be purged and cleansed,

 and my Spirit,

 will be set free,

 to soar above the circumstances,

 my soul calls hopeless.


Who will take the chance,

 of entering into my world,

 and carry me down,

 to the healing pool,

 where Spirit and soul,

 come together?


Who will lay their life open,

 to care - to hurt - to lift?


Could it be you?

 

Written 1-20-99

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In His Love

14 Sep

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV)

My birth father was a very “unkind” person. Children weren’t to be seen or heard. The least infraction or word spoken out of order resulted in a backhand to the face and a tumble across the floor. It was just the way thing were in my home in the 50’s.

A memory came back to me of an event that impacted my life in a difficult way. I was 8 at the time, my brother was 6, and my sister was close to 3. My sister had been given a medium size baby doll. One day my dad decided to rip the head off of that doll and turn it inside out. To a child a doll can be very real and I remember the horror I felt when he ripped the head off, and the intensified feeling when he turned it inside out; the eyes bulging out and showing the hair stitched to the scalp.

He found great pleasure in the fact that it frightened my brother and me. He put the head on a stick, thrusting it at us, and screaming something as we ran around the outside of the house, trying to get away. He found where we were hiding and repeated his thrusting, time after time after time. My brother and I screaming with fear. When he grew tired of chasing us he mounted the head on the fence post of our front yard gate. We were too afraid to go past the head to go through the front door and into the house. It remained there for weeks. I never wanted a doll after that. I could not get the pictures of that event out of my mind.

It took a long time for me to completely believe in and trust God. I didn’t find relationship with Jesus until I was 38 years old, and I didn’t completely believe that the promises of God were for someone like me – a nobody – a loser – an unwanted person.

I struggled with who I was and how an almighty God could love me when I never had felt the love of an adult. How could I believe the words in the New Testament when I had never had a practical application to compare it to.

I continued to battle with myself about God and who I was until the night I received the Baptism of the Holy Ghost. I had prayed at the altar every Sunday night for almost 2 years for the Baptism. The long period of prayer seemed to mock my low self-esteem. One day a woman gave her testimony in service. She said that she had tried and tried to receive the Baptism without success, and kept repeating that she wasn’t worthy enough to receive the Baptism. Then she heard the voice of God tell her that no one is worthy to receive it; it’s a free gift from the love of God. When she heard those words she relaxed, praised, and received. The next week I received the Baptism and with it came warmth and peace and an incredible feeling of being wholly loved by someone that would never let me go.

When a person steps out of abusive relationships they find it so difficult to trust God. They want so strongly to believe in His promises, yet they are terrified that once again they will be betrayed. It takes special people to help them step past that fear and understand the love and peace found in God.

Lord, help me to be a catalyst to the wounded, to help them to believe in who You are. Help me to help them believe in pure love, pure faith and in themselves – the person You see, and not the reflection of the past they see in the mirror. Let me be your hands and feet to the world. Let me be Your testimony.

 

Written  5/11/12

 

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God’s Perfect Gift

10 Sep

 

I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.  Song of Solomon 2:1 KJV

 

You came up,

 out of the desert,

 as a pure white rose,

 born in a wilderness,

 breathtakingly fragrant.


You stood for all that was true,

 in a land without water,

 in a world wroth with sin,

 forged in pain.


People searched you out,

 grasping at your petals,

 a sweet scent to hold on to,

 until only the stem remained,

 circled about with thorns.


When it seemed to all,

 that nothing was left,

 You bloomed again,

 as the Phoenix bird,

 rising from the ashes,

 lifted high above the crowd,

 on an unfinished wooden cross.


In your final flower,

 the new petals fell,

 each bearing the name,

 of sin and pain,

 all that was removed,

 from our condemned lives.


The petals falling,

 willingly given,

 to redeem the lost,

 every provision considered,

 every provision met.


First fell shame,

 for not recognizing,

 who You were,

 then guilt,

 for the pain You endured.


There was sickness,

 depression, fear,

 sins of the past,

 broken in travel,

 to the generations,

 of the future.


On and on they fell,

 one by one,

 stripping away hopelessness,

 giving new life,

 in the sight of eternity.


As the last petal fell,

 Your Father, our Father,

 gasped,

 shaking the earth with His pain,

 dimming the light from the sky.


There You hung,

 looking no more,

 than a dry broken twig,

 soon to be buried,

 in the bowels of the earth.


Yet, inside that twig,

 lay a seed,

 a new life,

 taking root in the earth,

 preparing to grow,

 preparing to bloom,

 as Aaron’s rod,

 a sign to the nations,

 of God’s perfect love,

 in the gift of,

the Rose.

 

Written 11-14-98

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HUMBLE BIRTH

10 Sep

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.  And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.     Luke 2:4-7 KJV

 

It wasn’t that they had to travel,

travel was a way of life -

travel to the place of sacrifice -

travel to the special feasts.


It wasn’t the taxation,

that too had become a way of life.

It wasn’t the number of people -

traveling to their father’s lands -

waiting - walking - crowding.


It wasn’t being heavy with child -

ready for the precious birth -

difficult to ride -

impossible to walk.


It was that all had come together on this momentous occasion,

even with careful preparation -

not really prepared -

for the events to come.


And in all the disappointment of the evening,

the kindness of a stranger -

a humble and rugged resting place -

became the catalyst of a birth.


As the night grew its darkest,

the light pierced the sky -

to announce the hope -

of generations to come.



Cutting the sky, as the pillar of fire,

drawing those with the pureness of heart -

the star spoke the joy -

of the new life to come.


In His earliest moments of life,

He the same as others -

tiny perfect fingers -

tiny perfect toes -

the miracle of birth every parent admires.


Yet, with the sameness came the new,

the anointed glow -

with the very first breath -

drawing God’s servants -

from near and far.



A humble start - for the humbling of the heart.

No wealth or grandeur - the capture of pride.

The kindness of a stranger - to instill mercy.



And the family of flesh mixed with the family of Spirit -

surrounding - comforting

to build a solid foundation of love.


It didn’t happen the way they had wanted -

Mary and Joseph -

but it was the plan of God.



Not one moment of His precious life was wasted,

every moment etched the path of tomorrow’s grace.



So tiny - so frail,

a King was born -

a King sent to gather the humble -

to exhort the meek -

to teach love to all who would listen -

to live - and - to die -

for every precious child -

that has graced God’s earth.

 

 

Written 12-21-97

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DEPRESSION

8 Sep

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.     Psalms 42:5-6 (KJV)

Depression started for me in my early teens. It is a dark consuming pain – beyond tears and hope. It is the feeling of helplessness – no control over any portion of your life, not your thoughts, your appetite, not even your emotions. It is difficult to focus, it is difficult to breathe. It is Satan’s greatest tool to stop God’s children from striving.

When I became a Christian my battle with depression ceased for a long time. I quit my well-paying, secure job and went into full-time ministry. What a delightful and faith-testing time. I dove head first into Biblical study and worship music (playing and singing). I think that God allowed me this peaceful time to build the strong foundation of faith that I was going to need to stand during the trials and storms of the future.

Challenges came – life changing events and situations that threatened to destroy our family and our faith – but we stood. Each time we grew stronger. The Depression there, but not consuming as it had been in the past, until recently.

For all the times we’ve faced life’s challenges in the past, this year has been a series of events that far surpassed anything we could have anticipated. I looked at our circumstances, I looked at our resources, I took my eyes off of our true Source – the darkness overtook me.

Well meaning friends offered words they thought would encourage – but cut like a knife. “If you have Jesus in your heart, you will never be without peace.” “If you have faith in Jesus you wouldn’t be depressed.” I guess they haven’t read passages in Psalm, Ecclesiastes or Job! Some of our greatest Bible leaders suffered terrible depression and wrote as they cried out to God.

I have a good friend and pastor who once told me that Depression was anger turned inward. I agree. You realize how little control you have over problems and situations and feel so helpless at your own inabilities; you turn inward.

I remember crying out to God for hours to help me get out of the dark hollowness. When I went into deep worship my darkness lifted. I asked God why He allowed me to go so deep into despair, why He wasn’t there with me. He showed me how He had been right next to me all the time, reaching a hand down to pull me up, waiting for me to reach back. He showed me where His hand had been moving on the situations all the time. I was able to see the miracles blooming all around. I could see His teardrops on my shoulder when He cried with me in my pain.

King David said that God taught our hands to war and our fingers to fight – I war with the enemy of our soul with my pen and paper. I will war for King Jesus – and hope my words will help others overcome the darkness that overcomes even the strongest saint. God, hold me ever near that I may never loose sight of You and who You are. I know You will always stand with me – and cry with me in my pain. Keep my mind set on you that I might never slip again into that pit.

 

 

Written 6-24-2008

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CRIMSON BLOOD

8 Sep

Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.       Hebrews 13:20-21

 

So curious a creature are we,

 ingenious in the ways of war,

 yet perplexed by wounds,

 ever so greater,

 than any weapon,

 could ever conceive.



Wounds so deep,

 into the hearts,

 of our smallest children,

 that no medicine made,

 today or tomorrow,

 could ever lift the pain,

 piercing through.



Fatal wounds inflicted,

 by those they love most,

 in acts of anger,

 in acts of arrogance,

 in tearing away,

 from the gift they call love.



When the hope dies,

 along with worthiness,

 the wounded child,

 remains small,

 though the body may grow,

 to adulthood,

 to accountability.



Where, then, do they turn,

 when they scream out for love,

 from a deadened heart,

 pushed so deeply,

 into a box,

 of protective devices,

 flushed by deadening tasks?



Who, then, can see,

 into the callused eyes,

 shielding the soul,

 from any possibility,

 of additional wounds.



Only the Son of Light,

 can burn so bright,

 as to see into the depths,

 of a lightless life.



Only the Son of Life,

 can loosen the sword,

 of tainted love,

 and killing words,

 to free the fatal wound,

 in the deadened heart,

 of a little child,

 now the shape of a man.



It is only the Son,

 who called us from birth,

 set angels at our side,

 and prayed with our prayers,

 until the day,

 we were ready to heal.



It is only the Son,

 who’s dark crimson blood,

 entered into the wound,

 lubricating the weapon,

 only He could remove,

 cauterizing the opened cavity,

 filling it with the endless gift,

 of God’s perfect love.

 

 

Written 11-15-1998

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INFERNO

7 Jul

That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:   -1 Peter 1:7


Here I stand,

Safe in the hand of God,

Kissed by a gentle breeze,

Cooled by the living water,

Of the Spirit.


All around me rages an inferno,

To my right, to my left,

Directly in my path.


The bowels of hell,

Threatening death,

Always testing my faith,

But held away,

By my closest friend, my savior.


Here I stand,

And here I will stay,

Until I hear the voice of God,

Directing my steps,

To reach the lost,

With His precious love.

 

 

Written 11-10-2000

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CHILD OF MY DESIRE

23 Jun

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine
own understanding.  Proverbs 3:5 KJV

 

In my most tragic moments,

When all I see,

Is unforgivable failure;

When I feel least,

Among all men –

You are there.

 

When I’ve done all the right,

That I know to do,

With my best ability,

And still things fail –

I hear You call.

 

When man labels my ways,

Calling me wicked,

Even in righteousness,

When I want to lay down,

When I want to quit –

You smile and nod “go on.”

 

In my smallest failures,

And grandest dreams,

I feel the conviction of life,

Pulling me down,

Taunting me to give up –

But you pull me into Your lap,

To rest.

 

Why Lord,

With this ever failing vessel,

Would you lead me on,

In tender love,

As an untiring parent,

Choreographing hope.

 

You knew me before time was,

You saw me in my Mother’s womb,

You knew my success,

You shared the joy,

You saw my guilt,

Yet held me close,

Even though you knew,

What was to come.

 

My child,

Frail and humble,

I see the heart inside,

Chained and fenced,

Tender, vulnerable.

 

Look past the vessel,

Surrounding the soul,

Molded dust,

Easily blown,

Easily moved,

Tempted.

 

Inside lies My Word,

Ready to birth,

The promises made,

Right next to My Spirit,

My seed planted there.

 

You were created for Me,

The child of My love,

No mistake, not unwanted,

As some say to believe.

 

You’re the child of My chamber,

Fragrant oils,

Sweet savor,

Rising to Heaven.

 

I wait for you in the night,

I watch for you in the day,

I’m as close as you will hold Me,

Or as far as you should say.

 

Child of My desire,

Precious one at My feet,

Rest with Me,

All the days of our life.

 

Written 6/24/1998

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FORTRESS

23 Jun

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians. 4:13 KJV

People always tell me how strong I am,

Admiring the composure they see.

Yet, inside, Jesus holds the frail

Shaking bird, praying for safety.

Don’t confuse my lack of tears for strength,

they are dammed up behind stone walls,

protecting my vulnerable heart.

Don’t confuse my serene stance for strength,

for it is a mask which covers the myriad

of emotions that are so fragile.

You may never know the real me,

I hide the guilt and pain and fears so well.

I will never allow you close enough

for fear that you might hurt me.

I choose to stay in the safety of loneliness.

I have tried to surrender what I have become,

but, by my own will, I am not strong enough.

 

Neither are you capable of penetrating the fortress

the enemy and I have so carefully built.

Lord, Jesus, descending through the wings of a dove,

strip away the chains, tear down the walls,

that I may learn to love again.

 

Written 5/11/1995

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A Prayer For My Children

29 Dec

 

mother-praying

My Children.  You are my breath and depth of life.  You help me find joy in darkness and peace in chaos.  My day starts with prayers for you, continues with prayers for you, and ends with prayers for you.  You are each so different, in your own quirky ways, and yet so alike in your humility and compassion.  I could not be prouder.  God blessed me and trusted me with your lives, and for that I will be forever thankful.

I pray that in each day you will see and receive Hope in every situation.  Hope for today, Hope for tomorrow, Hope for eternity.  And in those moments, I pray that you will reach out to help another find Hope in their circumstances, for in giving Hope, your Hope will grow brighter.  “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” Romans 15:13

I pray that every day you will receive Grace for every situation, and in return, you will give Grace to those who have come short of your expectations.  Grace allows people to err and yet be restored once again for any inabilities or lack of judgment in their lives.  Grace is our greatest gift from God.  For through all of our failures He continues to love us and encourage us, and for that our lives are richer.  “By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”  Romans 5:2

I pray that each and every day you will receive Mercy, and in return, you will give Mercy to each and every person, animal and situation you encounter.  Mercy is the very compassion that we receive, no matter our circumstances or what brought us to those circumstances.  With Mercy we see the soul inside of another that may be hidden deep within a hardened exterior, and forgive the trespass.  “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.”  Matthew 5:7

I pray that Joy will infuse your life so fully that it overflows into the paths of everyone you meet, and captures them in the moment, permeating them for their lifetime.  I pray that it will overflow your every action, every word, every step and every essence of your being.  I pray that the very Joy within you shines so contagiously that it doubles back and reinfects you over and over again.  “These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.”  John 15:11

I pray that in all things you will receive the gift Patience from others, and in turn, you will give the gift of Patience to those struggling to figure things out in this life.  More than others, I pray that you will grant Patience to yourself when you are trying and trying to figure out a life lesson and have failed at it over and over again.  Patience can seem quite small at times, but most of the time it stretches every muscle and sinew inside of us, putting us on the edge of frustration and anger.  Realize that you are not, and never will be a perfect human being and you have permission to fail, many times, in many areas.  As long as you are Patient and continue to try, you will never be a failure.  “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”  James 1:4

I pray that people will always show you Kindness, and you will honor that gift by showing Kindness to others.  Kindness is stepping back and recognizing that everyone has difficult days and it can all be turned around by a simple smile, an offered hand, an opened door, or a simple gift.  Kindness embraces sympathy and empathy, without requirement of return.  Kindness does not have to cost anything more than a moment in time, and we have a lot of those to share.  “For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD endureth for ever. Praise ye the LORD.”  Psalm 117:2

I pray that you will be surrounded by Goodness, and that in that loving atmosphere, you will show and lead others into Goodness in all that they do.  Respect follows goodness and paves the way for all good things.  Goodness always receives ultimate favor among men, cherish it.  “As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.”  Galatians 6:10

I pray that your life will be surrounded by people of Faithfulness and that you will find and live in Faithfulness all of your days.  No matter what character a man has, if he is not found faithful to his convictions, he has lost all.  Remain faithful to your beliefs, to those who surround you, and most importantly, to God.  “It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23

I pray that as you walk through your life you will be treated with Gentleness, and in return you will treat other people, animals and situations with Gentleness.  No matter how big, strong, smart or creative you are, Gentleness is a gift that cannot be ignored.  Gentleness can turn the heart of the most hostile around in a moment’s time.  Gentleness can defuse anger, bring confidence, turn tears to determination, and give another the courage to continue.  “To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.” Titus 3:2-3

I pray that you will recognize the strength inside yourself, and that your strength will give you the confidence to maintain Self-Control.  So many things in life can drastically change in one moment of lost Self-Control, things that cannot be recovered, things that cannot be fixed, things that are forever lost.  I pray that your courage in exhibiting your Self-Control will give others the strength and inclination to maintain their Self-Control.  You will be an example to all around you, whether you recognize it or not, and your choices will help others in making their choices, good or bad.  I pray that you will always choose wisely.  (Self-Control – The virtue of one who masters his desires and passions, especially his sensual appetites).  “And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance (self-control); and to temperance (self-control) patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  2 Peter 1:5-8

 I pray that you will always walk in the presence of Peace, Peace that surpasses all understanding.  Peace that allows you to stand strong in the challenge of fear, in the heat of angry men, in times of eminent danger, in the absence of understanding and the face of the unknown.  May Peace overwhelm you and cover you with a shield so graceful, so dense, so all encompassing, that nothing can penetrate it.  It will be your defense in the face of all odds.  “Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us, To give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.”  Luke 1:78-79

Most of all I pray that you will always feel and receive Love.  Love is the very center of every person’s being.  Love is a feeling that cannot be explained with words.  Love is a presence that cannot be shown with actions.  Love is something so deep that it can only be experienced.  Love can be a feeling between friends, spouses, animals, nature, and the entire environment around you, but it can also be something inside that is very personal between you and God that no one else can share.  Love is the very foundation of who you are.  Love is your integrity.  Love is your humility.  Love is your sun and moon and stars.  Love is your very breath.  Love brings you to tears at the sound of music or the sight of a child.  Love turns giants into gentlemen and weaklings into giants.  Love makes us go farther that we ever expected we could or would.  Love boasts pride and breaks hearts.  Love is the greatest gift to mankind by our most wonderful God.  I pray that you will never try to harness your Love.  I pray that you will always let Love guide you and set your path, for by Love, your path will always be straight.  I pray that your Love will be strong.  I pray that your Love will be deep. I pray that you will always remember the source of your Love and will praise God for that precious gift.  “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and Love—and the greatest of these is Love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13     “And we have known and believed the Love that God hath to us. God is Love; and he that dwelleth in Love dwelleth in God, and God in him.”  1 John 4:16

This is my prayer for you.  I thank God every day for giving me the honor of being your mother.  I speak these words over you, and through you, with deep conviction, knowing that the God who created this universe hears every word and answers my prayers with His most gracious wisdom.  Never forget who you are or the difference you were called into this world to make.  God Bless You.

 

12-29-2016

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