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STEPPING FORWARD

14 Sep

The waters saw thee, O God, the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled. The clouds poured out water: the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad. The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook. Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known. Thou leddest thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.    

Psalm 77:16-20 (KJV)

 

I stand in the path of troubled waters,

urged by a deep stirring in my soul.

My promise awaits me on the other side,

distant, dangerous, seemingly unattainable.

 

The waters are rising and churning,

lapping the ground at my feet,

teasing, testing, tantalizing.

 

Dare I step into troubled water,

tempting Satan, testing God?

Is the vision but a dream

or God’s perfect will?

 

There is no Moses to lead me in,

no Aaron to encourage me forth.

The angels hide, wait, watch.

Dare I take a chance

and step into the churning depths?

 

Do I trust God to part the sea,

dry the ground my feet must travel upon,

and hide my footsteps beneath the returning waters?

Or do I remain in my sheltered life,

no risks taken, nothing lost, nothing gained.

 

Do I reach out to the will of God,

the high calling I have been predestined to take,

or rest behind,

allowing another to receive the rich blessing

and sense of victory.

 

The sea of troubled water is frightening,

yet enchanting.

There is so much to gain,

so little to lose.

The waters surge and ebb,

surge and ebb.

Call me forward, Father,

as I strive to please you.

 

I close my eyes to self,

to doubt, to acceptable mediocrity.

One step at a time I move forward,

one step at a time.

 

As the waters part and rise up around me

I see the truth of my adversary,

like a motion picture through a looking glass,

larger than life, magnified,

yet fragile and easily destroyed.

Why did I fear?

 

Will those troubles disappear?

No!

They will always rest in the troubled waters.

It is my choice to view them,

or place my eyes on God,

and take a step forward,

knowing that each step will part the waters

and find solid ground.

 

Art thou not it which hath dried the sea, the waters of the great deep;

that hath made the depths of the sea a way for the ransomed to pass over? 

Isaiah 51:10  (KJV)

 

 

Written 9-11-00

 

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In His Love

14 Sep

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV)

My birth father was a very “unkind” person. Children weren’t to be seen or heard. The least infraction or word spoken out of order resulted in a backhand to the face and a tumble across the floor. It was just the way thing were in my home in the 50’s.

A memory came back to me of an event that impacted my life in a difficult way. I was 8 at the time, my brother was 6, and my sister was close to 3. My sister had been given a medium size baby doll. One day my dad decided to rip the head off of that doll and turn it inside out. To a child a doll can be very real and I remember the horror I felt when he ripped the head off, and the intensified feeling when he turned it inside out; the eyes bulging out and showing the hair stitched to the scalp.

He found great pleasure in the fact that it frightened my brother and me. He put the head on a stick, thrusting it at us, and screaming something as we ran around the outside of the house, trying to get away. He found where we were hiding and repeated his thrusting, time after time after time. My brother and I screaming with fear. When he grew tired of chasing us he mounted the head on the fence post of our front yard gate. We were too afraid to go past the head to go through the front door and into the house. It remained there for weeks. I never wanted a doll after that. I could not get the pictures of that event out of my mind.

It took a long time for me to completely believe in and trust God. I didn’t find relationship with Jesus until I was 38 years old, and I didn’t completely believe that the promises of God were for someone like me – a nobody – a loser – an unwanted person.

I struggled with who I was and how an almighty God could love me when I never had felt the love of an adult. How could I believe the words in the New Testament when I had never had a practical application to compare it to.

I continued to battle with myself about God and who I was until the night I received the Baptism of the Holy Ghost. I had prayed at the altar every Sunday night for almost 2 years for the Baptism. The long period of prayer seemed to mock my low self-esteem. One day a woman gave her testimony in service. She said that she had tried and tried to receive the Baptism without success, and kept repeating that she wasn’t worthy enough to receive the Baptism. Then she heard the voice of God tell her that no one is worthy to receive it; it’s a free gift from the love of God. When she heard those words she relaxed, praised, and received. The next week I received the Baptism and with it came warmth and peace and an incredible feeling of being wholly loved by someone that would never let me go.

When a person steps out of abusive relationships they find it so difficult to trust God. They want so strongly to believe in His promises, yet they are terrified that once again they will be betrayed. It takes special people to help them step past that fear and understand the love and peace found in God.

Lord, help me to be a catalyst to the wounded, to help them to believe in who You are. Help me to help them believe in pure love, pure faith and in themselves – the person You see, and not the reflection of the past they see in the mirror. Let me be your hands and feet to the world. Let me be Your testimony.

 

Written  5/11/12

 

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God’s Perfect Gift

10 Sep

 

I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.  Song of Solomon 2:1 KJV

 

You came up,

 out of the desert,

 as a pure white rose,

 born in a wilderness,

 breathtakingly fragrant.


You stood for all that was true,

 in a land without water,

 in a world wroth with sin,

 forged in pain.


People searched you out,

 grasping at your petals,

 a sweet scent to hold on to,

 until only the stem remained,

 circled about with thorns.


When it seemed to all,

 that nothing was left,

 You bloomed again,

 as the Phoenix bird,

 rising from the ashes,

 lifted high above the crowd,

 on an unfinished wooden cross.


In your final flower,

 the new petals fell,

 each bearing the name,

 of sin and pain,

 all that was removed,

 from our condemned lives.


The petals falling,

 willingly given,

 to redeem the lost,

 every provision considered,

 every provision met.


First fell shame,

 for not recognizing,

 who You were,

 then guilt,

 for the pain You endured.


There was sickness,

 depression, fear,

 sins of the past,

 broken in travel,

 to the generations,

 of the future.


On and on they fell,

 one by one,

 stripping away hopelessness,

 giving new life,

 in the sight of eternity.


As the last petal fell,

 Your Father, our Father,

 gasped,

 shaking the earth with His pain,

 dimming the light from the sky.


There You hung,

 looking no more,

 than a dry broken twig,

 soon to be buried,

 in the bowels of the earth.


Yet, inside that twig,

 lay a seed,

 a new life,

 taking root in the earth,

 preparing to grow,

 preparing to bloom,

 as Aaron’s rod,

 a sign to the nations,

 of God’s perfect love,

 in the gift of,

the Rose.

 

Written 11-14-98

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HUMBLE BIRTH

10 Sep

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.  And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.     Luke 2:4-7 KJV

 

It wasn’t that they had to travel,

travel was a way of life -

travel to the place of sacrifice -

travel to the special feasts.


It wasn’t the taxation,

that too had become a way of life.

It wasn’t the number of people -

traveling to their father’s lands -

waiting - walking - crowding.


It wasn’t being heavy with child -

ready for the precious birth -

difficult to ride -

impossible to walk.


It was that all had come together on this momentous occasion,

even with careful preparation -

not really prepared -

for the events to come.


And in all the disappointment of the evening,

the kindness of a stranger -

a humble and rugged resting place -

became the catalyst of a birth.


As the night grew its darkest,

the light pierced the sky -

to announce the hope -

of generations to come.



Cutting the sky, as the pillar of fire,

drawing those with the pureness of heart -

the star spoke the joy -

of the new life to come.


In His earliest moments of life,

He the same as others -

tiny perfect fingers -

tiny perfect toes -

the miracle of birth every parent admires.


Yet, with the sameness came the new,

the anointed glow -

with the very first breath -

drawing God’s servants -

from near and far.



A humble start - for the humbling of the heart.

No wealth or grandeur - the capture of pride.

The kindness of a stranger - to instill mercy.



And the family of flesh mixed with the family of Spirit -

surrounding - comforting

to build a solid foundation of love.


It didn’t happen the way they had wanted -

Mary and Joseph -

but it was the plan of God.



Not one moment of His precious life was wasted,

every moment etched the path of tomorrow’s grace.



So tiny - so frail,

a King was born -

a King sent to gather the humble -

to exhort the meek -

to teach love to all who would listen -

to live - and - to die -

for every precious child -

that has graced God’s earth.

 

 

Written 12-21-97

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DEPRESSION

8 Sep

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. O my God, my soul is cast down within me: therefore will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, and of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar.     Psalms 42:5-6 (KJV)

Depression started for me in my early teens. It is a dark consuming pain – beyond tears and hope. It is the feeling of helplessness – no control over any portion of your life, not your thoughts, your appetite, not even your emotions. It is difficult to focus, it is difficult to breathe. It is Satan’s greatest tool to stop God’s children from striving.

When I became a Christian my battle with depression ceased for a long time. I quit my well-paying, secure job and went into full-time ministry. What a delightful and faith-testing time. I dove head first into Biblical study and worship music (playing and singing). I think that God allowed me this peaceful time to build the strong foundation of faith that I was going to need to stand during the trials and storms of the future.

Challenges came – life changing events and situations that threatened to destroy our family and our faith – but we stood. Each time we grew stronger. The Depression there, but not consuming as it had been in the past, until recently.

For all the times we’ve faced life’s challenges in the past, this year has been a series of events that far surpassed anything we could have anticipated. I looked at our circumstances, I looked at our resources, I took my eyes off of our true Source – the darkness overtook me.

Well meaning friends offered words they thought would encourage – but cut like a knife. “If you have Jesus in your heart, you will never be without peace.” “If you have faith in Jesus you wouldn’t be depressed.” I guess they haven’t read passages in Psalm, Ecclesiastes or Job! Some of our greatest Bible leaders suffered terrible depression and wrote as they cried out to God.

I have a good friend and pastor who once told me that Depression was anger turned inward. I agree. You realize how little control you have over problems and situations and feel so helpless at your own inabilities; you turn inward.

I remember crying out to God for hours to help me get out of the dark hollowness. When I went into deep worship my darkness lifted. I asked God why He allowed me to go so deep into despair, why He wasn’t there with me. He showed me how He had been right next to me all the time, reaching a hand down to pull me up, waiting for me to reach back. He showed me where His hand had been moving on the situations all the time. I was able to see the miracles blooming all around. I could see His teardrops on my shoulder when He cried with me in my pain.

King David said that God taught our hands to war and our fingers to fight – I war with the enemy of our soul with my pen and paper. I will war for King Jesus – and hope my words will help others overcome the darkness that overcomes even the strongest saint. God, hold me ever near that I may never loose sight of You and who You are. I know You will always stand with me – and cry with me in my pain. Keep my mind set on you that I might never slip again into that pit.

 

 

Written 6-24-2008

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CRIMSON BLOOD

8 Sep

Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.       Hebrews 13:20-21

 

So curious a creature are we,

 ingenious in the ways of war,

 yet perplexed by wounds,

 ever so greater,

 than any weapon,

 could ever conceive.



Wounds so deep,

 into the hearts,

 of our smallest children,

 that no medicine made,

 today or tomorrow,

 could ever lift the pain,

 piercing through.



Fatal wounds inflicted,

 by those they love most,

 in acts of anger,

 in acts of arrogance,

 in tearing away,

 from the gift they call love.



When the hope dies,

 along with worthiness,

 the wounded child,

 remains small,

 though the body may grow,

 to adulthood,

 to accountability.



Where, then, do they turn,

 when they scream out for love,

 from a deadened heart,

 pushed so deeply,

 into a box,

 of protective devices,

 flushed by deadening tasks?



Who, then, can see,

 into the callused eyes,

 shielding the soul,

 from any possibility,

 of additional wounds.



Only the Son of Light,

 can burn so bright,

 as to see into the depths,

 of a lightless life.



Only the Son of Life,

 can loosen the sword,

 of tainted love,

 and killing words,

 to free the fatal wound,

 in the deadened heart,

 of a little child,

 now the shape of a man.



It is only the Son,

 who called us from birth,

 set angels at our side,

 and prayed with our prayers,

 until the day,

 we were ready to heal.



It is only the Son,

 who’s dark crimson blood,

 entered into the wound,

 lubricating the weapon,

 only He could remove,

 cauterizing the opened cavity,

 filling it with the endless gift,

 of God’s perfect love.

 

 

Written 11-15-1998

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Abundance

19 Aug

I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken , nor his seed begging bread. Psalm 37:25 KJV

I’m sitting here at 3 O’clock in the morning, wrapped in a blanket and my big heavy jacket.  It’s 10 degrees out, the full moon is reflecting off of the snow and lighting the house.  So beautiful.

I checked a few emails and saw posts from an online website where you can give and receive items for free.  People are requesting blankets.  People are requesting warm clothing for their children.  People are requesting wood to warm their homes.  I felt so helpless reading these.

We have gone through dramatic changes this year, losing our home, leaving much of our possessions behind, leaving friends and family behind as we moved across the state for work – but God always provided. We never went without food. We were never cold or without proper clothing. We always had a place to stay and a warm bed to sleep in.

For a while we had things to give; sheets, blankets, and comforters; but now we only have what we need.  I offer up my prayer that someone will provide for these needs as God has always provided for ours.  I pray for their salvation and relationship with God, that they will realize the same security that we feel.  I pray for their peace, a peace that can only be felt through the Father.

God, help me to always realize that in my helplessness to meet people’s immediate physical needs, that I always have the ability to call on you to provide for all of their needs; physical, mental and spiritual, and in my lack, You will provide their abundance.

——–

By Linda J. Humes

Written 12/10/2011

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A Moment In Time

19 Aug 



“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:32


Satan takes a moment in time,

and creates a most horrible incident,

that scars and fractures,

our views and beliefs,

for the rest of our lives.


He strategically places in our path,

demonized souls – the mentally ill,

some that say that they come

in the name of the Lord,

to steal our innocence,

fill us with fear,

and distort the way we view

every person, every sound,

every surrounding, every shape,

every race, every fragrance,

from that day forward.


We cower consciously for months or years,

subconsciously for decades,

trying to walk past the anxieties

we may not understand.


We displace the anger and hurt onto the innocent,

often onto those people we love the most,

justifying our behavior with false truths,

and attempting Biblical justification,

but knowing deep inside,

our actions were wrong,

yet not knowing how to stop,

and feeling deeper and deeper guilt,

because of it.


We blame God for not being there,

we run from the very presence

that can bring us healing.


We run from others,

we run from ourselves,

we run from every possible circumstance,

that could possibly bring us pain.

We run and run and run,

until we are unable to take,

another step.


It’s at that moment,

when we can run no farther,

when we cry out to others for answers,

when we cry out to God for help,

that Jesus can draw close.


It’s in that time that we can see,

that He was with us,

all the time,

crying with our pain,

holding us as we wept in the night,

waiting for us to call upon Him,

to heal the brokenness

we can no longer endure.


In that breaking moment,

when Satan’s shackles are broken away,

when our mind is refreshed,

and our vision restored,

that healing comes,

wave by wave,

washing, cleansing, renewing.


Prejudice is lost,

fear is captured,

hatred is banished,

anger subdued,

life restored.


Come Lord Jesus.



Written - 9-29-2000

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BREATH OF GOD

7 Aug

“Then said he unto me, Prophesy unto the wind, prophesy, son of man, and say to the wind, Thus saith the Lord God; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live.”   Ezekiel 37:9

While training to become a foster parent we were required to take CPR training. We learned the ABC’s of CPR, the step-by-step procedures of saving a life. The first step was to tip the head back, chin up, and make sure that the Airway isn’t obstructed. Second was to Breathe into the unconscious person, watching for the rise and fall of the chest. Third was the Compressions, encouraging the heart to begin beating, pushing the blood to the brain and extremities. A.B.C. Clear airway, breathe (count), breath (count), compress, compress, compress, compress. Correct timing and accurate movement can be the critical elements of sustaining life until the ambulance arrives and takes over.

While in worship one day it occurred to me that God has designed a Spiritual CPR for His children to follow. Divine steps that bring us into the throne-room of God.

Similar to clearing the airway, we tilt our face upward toward God, speaking our prayers and singing our worship. We clear our thoughts from the trials and temptations of daily life and focus completely on Him. Abba, Father, we cry out; Holy and Anointed One. We give You praise.

Then comes the breath of life; the Holy Spirit breathing the precious anointing into our lives. Like waves of the ocean, as we stand in worship, He breathes over us, refreshing, renewing, healing, preparing, speaking; wave after precious wave. Closer and closer we draw to the throne-room of God. Filled with the cleansing breath of truth. Filled with the cleansing breath of wisdom. Breathing in, breathing out, the life of God within us.

Then the foundation; the Word of God, pumping into us the strength of life with the flow of faith brought by the Blood of Christ, covering our past, our daily frailties, our mistakes of tomorrow. Challenging us with parables, psalms and proverbs. Building, pumping, encouraging, pumping, feeding, pumping. The very truths we base our lives upon.

Clear – breathe – breathe – compress – compress – compress – live.

Prayer – worship – indwelling of the Spirit – the Word of God – life.

Prayer – worship – indwelling of the Spirit – the Word of God – stronger life.

What if we choose to walk away when someone needs immediate CPR? What if we wait for another to come along and do the life-saving steps that are needed? The longer the person remains unhelped, the greater the risk of death, multiplying in risk by the second.

Unlike physical CPR, the Christian must take the steps toward Spiritual CPR themselves. Steps that will give them a confident, joy-filled, eternal life in Christ. No one else can take the steps for you. No one else can breathe in the anointing for you.

What if we walk away when God calls us to relationship with Him? What if we don’t cry out to Him in prayer and worship? What if we quench the Spirit, discouraging His life-filling breath? What if we refuse to fill our heart, our mind, our soul, with His Word? What if?

Dear God, remind me daily of the eternal death that awaits those who walk away from you. Help me to help them to take the steps toward life – forever.

 

 

Written 6-24-04

 

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A HEART OF FREEDOM

7 Aug

And, behold, the angel of the Lord came upon him, and a light shined in the prison: and he smote Peter on the side, and raised him up, saying, Arise up quickly. And his chains fell off from his hands.   Acts 12:7

I have had the privilege of becoming friends through Christ with many inmates. I find their faith strong, their dedication immeasurable and their Christian love pure. Their desire to have all that God has for them is so powerful – I feel inadequate to mentor and encourage them. I find myself envying the time they have to study God’s word and sing His praises.

What a perfect God cherished testimony. Here are people with lives completely restricted; only allowed to move about if shackled, and yet they have a found a heart of peace and a spirit of freedom that I could only pray to have. They are bound completely on the outside – yet completely free through Jesus on the inside. They have replaced anger with joy, strife with study, cursing with prayer and praise. Many still have decades to complete before I will meet them face to face, I look forward to that day when we can share the joy of Jesus over a cup of coffee. They have so much to teach me.

I pray for their safety, peace and joy and I receive letters from them stating that they are praying daily for me. They express as much concern for my well being as I have about theirs. Once Jesus steps into the heart of any person, the chains of life begin to fall away. Some remove them a little at a time and some miraculously loose them all, in one fell swoop.

I’ve learned through my many years with Jesus that everything in life is shadowed and paralleled. I too am restricted to a regimented schedule – by work, family obligations and church events. I’m shackled by stress, obligation, bills, illness and weariness. Their incarceration is tangible and they have risen above it. My incarceration is self-imposed and enforced with self-set unrealistic expectations. I strive daily to rise above my circumstances, not always with true success. So, Jesus, which of us is truly bound?

Lord, give me the courage to say “No” to time that unnecessarily takes me away from you. Teach me to set boundaries and set a Jesus appointment in every day – at least twice a day please! Help me to remember the true reason I’m here – to share the treasure of YOU with all that I meet. And always keep my heart open to learn from a new friend, no matter the path they have walked.

 

Written 6-15-07

 

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