Tag Archives: Trust

TURNING AROUND

17 Sep

“Be still, and know that I am God: . . .” Psalm 46:10

 

❤

I have never known the love of a natural Father.

But through the unconditional love of my children,

You have shown me how precious it can be.

❤

I have found it so very hard to trust man,

But You have shown me that love can be present,

Without performance or expectation.

❤

I have struggled through past loneliness,

But You have shown me the treasure of being alone,

And quiet before You.

❤

Thank You for turning my world around.

 

 

Written 6-15-2002

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Forsaking the Call

5 Apr

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.   Matthew 18:6

…

There are times in every person’s life when difficult decisions have to be made, knowing that those decisions will affect the lives of many others. When we are called to the faith we are to prefer others above ourselves and accommodate others, knowing that God will accommodate us.

…

Most recently I have observed brothers of the faith making decisions that were intended to destroy the character of another strong Christian. False truths and innuendo have been stated and spread to cover the true reason behind the attack – financial gain and career advancement.

…

I was contemplating a way to expose the ploy and show the true colors of those involved, but I hear the voice of God very clearly . . . “vengeance is mine.”

…

It is bad enough that friendships have been destroyed and jobs have been lost for others to gain power and finance. It’s terrible that integrity has been tarnished and respect destroyed. Now, when they least expect it, God’s anger and punishment will fall. What sacrifice this? Will there be restoration? Will trust ever be regained? Will opportunities be lost forever?

…

As believers, we are called to a higher standard of integrity, a higher obligation NOT to walk in worldly ways. When taking on the mantle of Pastor, that obligation massively multiplies. People are watching. Christians are disdained in general for the faults of a few. Shame falls on the family of God.

…

Lord, let me always be aware of the people and circumstances around me that I might not make a choice what would push others farther away from You. I never want to experience your vengeance; only your grace and love.

 

 

Written 10/26/2010

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RUNNING AWAY

27 Oct

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

I have been most blessed. God has given me three wonderful boys to love, encourage, and enjoy. Each of them has a strong call of God upon their lives, all in different capacities. We call each one by the name God has placed upon our heart – Pastor Jon, Deacon Eli and Chaplain Paul. In the body of Christ, all positions are of equal importance (1 Cor 12:12), this we have shown them so that neither feels of less importance than the other.

Having children called to the ministry is a tremendous challenge. The challenge isn’t in Bible study or scripture memorization, they strive to meet those desires themselves. The challenge is in recognizing the Spiritual Warfare and the schemes of the enemy that tempt them away from the call God has upon them.

Although there are many stories of miracles and answered prayer for each of them, our greatest challenge has been with our oldest son. He is currently a teenager (written in 2000), raised most of his life in Christian education, but placed into the public school system during the 8th grade, when the Christian school he had been attending closed. Placed in an environment he had never been subjected to, the enemy tempted and attacked, stole and taunted. However difficult these trials were, they couldn’t compare to the luring and wooing that called his name.

With peer pressure and Satan’s enticing whispers, he was drawn into a life we never expected. Although the rejection of family values was difficult for us, it was the running away that tormented our family. Where was he? Was he eating? Did he have a safe place to sleep? Who is he with? Why has he left us? Doesn’t he love us anymore?

Doesn’t he love us anymore? Rejection by your own child. Harsh words and accusations fly about. Why didn’t we see this coming? Only prayer brings us peace, difficult travailing prayer. I can’t begin to explain the depth of emotions a parent goes through in circumstances such as these. Love, hope, anger, hopelessness. Faith, doubt, pain, faith. Sorrow, prayer, memories, trust.

As I prayed one night, I asked God if He could understand the special relationship that grows as you hold that baby, child, young man in your arms and protect him from every possible danger that could come against him – God showed me Jesus, sent to earth to be born in a lowly manger, vulnerable to man, protected by the angels; the same angels that he has sent to watch over my son. I asked God if He could ever understand the pain and the rejection of a child not wanting to be near you, after you’ve been his best friend for most of his life – God showed me Jesus, standing before the crowd, as they chose Barabas to live and Jesus to die. I asked God if He knew what it felt like to sit in your child’s room, empty, hollow, except for the memories that line the walls and shelves – God showed me Golgatha, and Jesus’ lifeless body on the cross. I asked God if He could understand the pain of searching every street, every car, looking closely at every child the same age and build, in hopes of seeing your child, even at a distance – God showed me the people at the cross, dividing Jesus’ clothes, cutting into His lifeless body with a spear, laughing at all He was, void of any righteousness or desire of God. I asked God if He knew what it was like, waiting for the phone to ring or the front door to open, just to hear your child’s voice calling again, waiting , praying – God opened my ears to hear Jesus’ last cry, “Why hast thou forsaken me?”

Yes, He knows. He gave His son willingly, to walk in places of evil that all may be saved, even my son. He gave His son to bring hope, life and peace, knowing the pain and agony His son had to feel before it could be done. He watched as everything His son did was rejected and scorned, even as He lay lifeless. Yes, He knows.

Then God reminded me of the many times I have turned from Him. How many times have I turned my back on the family He has placed me in? How many times have I rejected the values and desires He has placed inside me? How many times have I spoken harsh and hurting words to Him, as I ran away to a world of selfish pleasure? How many times have I simply chosen to be somewhere else instead of in the sweet relationship with my Father? How many times have I put other things, people, places before Him? How many others have done the same?

Forgive us Lord, with your unlimited mercy, for all the times we fell to temptation and disappointed You. Forgive me, Lord, for thinking that You could never understand the pain of a Mother. Remind me that you are in control of all things. Help me to trust You and run back to You all of my days.

 

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Written 7-14-2000

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VISION

6 Oct

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. Proverbs 29:18

Studying the old and new testaments makes it clear that not everyone wants or seeks a vision, but many choose to live a day-by-day mundane life. It seems that only those who became leaders had any desire to look past the next crop cycle or traditional holiday.

The half million that followed Moses around and around the wilderness lost their vision of leaving Egypt for their homeland the moments the cucumbers, melons, leeks and onions ran out. Vision Change – let’s go back to slavery and familiar hardships because we understood them AND the food was better. Gracious!

David’s army’s vision was to do whatever David told them to do; try to stay alive, and maybe, someday, see David as King. Most men in the Bible tended crops or flocks. Most women prepared meals, made clothing and raised children; day-by-day-by-day. The Pharisees and Sadducees were content to sit at the temple all day, every day, discussing their beliefs with each other.

Clearly scripture indicates that God gives us ALL dreams and visions. By putting our faith in action we can make those dreams and visions a reality. Why do so many choose the “ordinary life”? There is story after story in the Bible of ordinary people doing exceptional things. Many of those stories speak of visitations by an angel, or a prophet; some even heard the voice of God. Does it take a supernatural experience for an ordinary person to step-up to the skills God placed in them at birth?

Joseph began having dreams as a boy; he was born to a life as a shepherd. When Joseph shared his dreams with his brothers, even though he didn’t understand what they meant, his brothers began to hate him; even his father scolded him. Did Moses dream of his future when he was a boy? Did King David??

What happens to people that keeps them from following the dreams and visions that God places deep inside of them as children? Why do we choose to be content with the ordinary when we have been called to be extraordinary? Are we so afraid of failure before people that we won’t take a chance at success before God?

God took Esther and saved a nation through fasting and prayer. God took Rahab and saved the spies sent by Joshua; against the direct order of the King of Jericho, also saving Rahab’s family, by clever maneuvers. God took Noah and built an ark with carpentry skills God spoke to him; skills never used before, to build something called a boat in a time when it never rained. God took Peter, an impulsive and ambitious fisherman, and built a church. Ordinary people – given a great vision.

Just imagine what would happen if we all responded to God’s dreams and visions as the boy Samuel responded to the voice of God, “Speak, for thy servant heareth.” How long did Samuel have to wait for the vision God called him to? How many years did Joseph wait for his vision and promise to come to pass? How many years did Moses wait before he was called to his position, and then again how much longer before God allowed him to find the Promised Land? How many years from the day that David was anointed with oil by the prophet Samuel before he was anointed King of Israel in Hebron? How many years have you waited?

In 1998, 12 years ago, God gave me a vision; we call it Shiloh Spiritual Growth Ministries. A year ago God gave us more of the pieces of the vision. We work daily with the portion of the vision God has allowed us to begin; we wait. We know one day God will say, “It’s time,” and our full vision will begin to unfold. What has God placed in your heart that you have been pushing aside, feeling that it is only a silly dream?

Father, help us to always hear Your voice, see Your visions and dream Your dreams. Speak, for thy servants listen.

By Linda J Humes

Written 4-25-2010

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STEPPING FORWARD

14 Sep

The waters saw thee, O God, the waters saw thee; they were afraid: the depths also were troubled. The clouds poured out water: the skies sent out a sound: thine arrows also went abroad. The voice of thy thunder was in the heaven: the lightnings lightened the world: the earth trembled and shook. Thy way is in the sea, and thy path in the great waters, and thy footsteps are not known. Thou leddest thy people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.    

Psalm 77:16-20 (KJV)

 

I stand in the path of troubled waters,

urged by a deep stirring in my soul.

My promise awaits me on the other side,

distant, dangerous, seemingly unattainable.

 

The waters are rising and churning,

lapping the ground at my feet,

teasing, testing, tantalizing.

 

Dare I step into troubled water,

tempting Satan, testing God?

Is the vision but a dream

or God’s perfect will?

 

There is no Moses to lead me in,

no Aaron to encourage me forth.

The angels hide, wait, watch.

Dare I take a chance

and step into the churning depths?

 

Do I trust God to part the sea,

dry the ground my feet must travel upon,

and hide my footsteps beneath the returning waters?

Or do I remain in my sheltered life,

no risks taken, nothing lost, nothing gained.

 

Do I reach out to the will of God,

the high calling I have been predestined to take,

or rest behind,

allowing another to receive the rich blessing

and sense of victory.

 

The sea of troubled water is frightening,

yet enchanting.

There is so much to gain,

so little to lose.

The waters surge and ebb,

surge and ebb.

Call me forward, Father,

as I strive to please you.

 

I close my eyes to self,

to doubt, to acceptable mediocrity.

One step at a time I move forward,

one step at a time.

 

As the waters part and rise up around me

I see the truth of my adversary,

like a motion picture through a looking glass,

larger than life, magnified,

yet fragile and easily destroyed.

Why did I fear?

 

Will those troubles disappear?

No!

They will always rest in the troubled waters.

It is my choice to view them,

or place my eyes on God,

and take a step forward,

knowing that each step will part the waters

and find solid ground.

 

Art thou not it which hath dried the sea, the waters of the great deep;

that hath made the depths of the sea a way for the ransomed to pass over? 

Isaiah 51:10  (KJV)

 

 

Written 9-11-00

 

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In His Love

14 Sep

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV)

My birth father was a very “unkind” person. Children weren’t to be seen or heard. The least infraction or word spoken out of order resulted in a backhand to the face and a tumble across the floor. It was just the way thing were in my home in the 50’s.

A memory came back to me of an event that impacted my life in a difficult way. I was 8 at the time, my brother was 6, and my sister was close to 3. My sister had been given a medium size baby doll. One day my dad decided to rip the head off of that doll and turn it inside out. To a child a doll can be very real and I remember the horror I felt when he ripped the head off, and the intensified feeling when he turned it inside out; the eyes bulging out and showing the hair stitched to the scalp.

He found great pleasure in the fact that it frightened my brother and me. He put the head on a stick, thrusting it at us, and screaming something as we ran around the outside of the house, trying to get away. He found where we were hiding and repeated his thrusting, time after time after time. My brother and I screaming with fear. When he grew tired of chasing us he mounted the head on the fence post of our front yard gate. We were too afraid to go past the head to go through the front door and into the house. It remained there for weeks. I never wanted a doll after that. I could not get the pictures of that event out of my mind.

It took a long time for me to completely believe in and trust God. I didn’t find relationship with Jesus until I was 38 years old, and I didn’t completely believe that the promises of God were for someone like me – a nobody – a loser – an unwanted person.

I struggled with who I was and how an almighty God could love me when I never had felt the love of an adult. How could I believe the words in the New Testament when I had never had a practical application to compare it to.

I continued to battle with myself about God and who I was until the night I received the Baptism of the Holy Ghost. I had prayed at the altar every Sunday night for almost 2 years for the Baptism. The long period of prayer seemed to mock my low self-esteem. One day a woman gave her testimony in service. She said that she had tried and tried to receive the Baptism without success, and kept repeating that she wasn’t worthy enough to receive the Baptism. Then she heard the voice of God tell her that no one is worthy to receive it; it’s a free gift from the love of God. When she heard those words she relaxed, praised, and received. The next week I received the Baptism and with it came warmth and peace and an incredible feeling of being wholly loved by someone that would never let me go.

When a person steps out of abusive relationships they find it so difficult to trust God. They want so strongly to believe in His promises, yet they are terrified that once again they will be betrayed. It takes special people to help them step past that fear and understand the love and peace found in God.

Lord, help me to be a catalyst to the wounded, to help them to believe in who You are. Help me to help them believe in pure love, pure faith and in themselves – the person You see, and not the reflection of the past they see in the mirror. Let me be your hands and feet to the world. Let me be Your testimony.

 

Written  5/11/12

 

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WHEN GREAT MEN FALL 

5 Aug

  

“And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.”  Mark 9:42 (KJV) 

    

“Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive,” Sir Walter Scott. 

  Heartbreaking.  Lives destroyed, families lost, everything gone.  How many times does the news report on the fall of great men?  Cities, states, and countries crumble with the fall of corrupt political leaders.  Companies close with the fall of unscrupulous officers.  Most devastating are the falls of pastors, evangelists or great religious leaders – taking down the faith and confidence of their congregations or followers.  Churches split, people walk away from the very beliefs that they drew strength from, never to return.  People become lost. 

  Falling men don’t have to be leaders, celebrities, pastors or figures of authority to cause the lives of others to be affected and destroyed.  Any man who has made a lifelong commitment to touching the lives of others, however big or small, can be the reason others lose their faith and trust in men.  A husband who chooses to quit work and leaves the responsibilities of caring for his family to his wife – as he sits and watches TV all day or plays for hours on the computer.  It could be a father who drowns his disappointments with drugs or alcohol, leaving his children and wife to fend for themselves.  It could be a good friend who betrays that friendship with deception and lies.  It could be a mentor who falls to temptation, either destroying the lives he’s dedicating to help grown strong or turning away from them at a critical moment in their lives, leaving them alone and afraid.  It could be a school teacher or a Bible study teacher.  How do you think they will feel about men in general when the very man who God placed in their lives to love and protect them causes them hurt and pain? 

  Truths turn to lies.  Laughter turns to tears.  Hope turns to despair. Trust turns to disappointment and distance.  Friendships are disrupted and not sought out again.  Families destroyed.  Strong futures lay ruin.  What happened?  How did temptation and pride override common sense and a strong moral system and lay waste the promises of a strong and fruitful life?  Lust.  Greed.  Pride.  Addictions.  Lasciviousness. 

  “Never happen to me,” you say?  What did they say not long ago?  “Not me” . . . “I would never” . . . so easy to say, and an open invitation for the enemy of our soul to take the challenge to find that weakness and chip away at it. 

  It is never a sudden decision, usually a little give and take over a period of time.  Things that were once so black and white become less definitive.  Priorities change.  Family and friends loose importance.  Everyone else in their world becomes collateral damage. 

  Can the fallen be restored?  Of course, if they have the desire.  Restoration can only come through a humble heart and a deep relationship through Jesus.  All other attempts are just vanities – a vapor in the wind – without substance. 

  The real question is, can they restore all those whose lives were damaged and changed because of the fall.  Can trust ever be completely returned to the hearts of all who know them?  I don’t think so.  Those lives have blown away like sand in the wind – you may be able to collect some of them back, maybe even most of them – but so many will be lost forever to the hurt that can only be healed through Jesus. 

  Dear Lord, let me always remember that my words and actions are being watched by far more people than I could ever imagine.  Help me to understand that if I should ever fall, I would be responsible for every person that may stray from you because of my actions.  Help me to always remain humble.  In Your Precious Name.  Amen.

 

Written 2-23-09

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COMPASSION

7 Jul

 

“But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.”  -Mark 10:14

Tonight I saw something that deeply touched my heart.  Not a well scripted show or a thought-out story. Tonight I witnessed two very young boys praying, sobbing and interceding for their friend – hands lifted upward toward Heaven.  Even after the music ceased they remained, praying – sobbing. When the sanctuary had emptied and the time threatened, they remained. At that moment I believe a pastor was born, an evangelist, perhaps an apostle.  Compassion was loosed and the anointing fell. The true tenderness of innocence released a pureness – no show, no pressure, no guilt drove their motives – just compassion – a Spirit lead appointment with Jesus.   

How many times have we adults seen the hurting at the altar, but pulled away because of schedules and pre-set agendas.  How many times have we been in serious prayer, only to turn it off as a household appliance when the music ceased? How many times did we seem sincerely concerned, as long as certain eyes lingered our way, hoping for a break and release with each prayer.

I stood outside and watched as they left the tabernacle, headed for their camp dorm rooms; bibles familiarly under their arms, pages worn, bookmarks poking out here and there.  Arm in arm they headed away, eyes still red, but a prominent glow surrounded them. I thanked God for that touch, for that innocence.

Still, I was ashamed.  Ashamed that these young boys had a relationship with My God that I so desired and a compassion for others that I strove for, but had not yet found.  

Thank you Jesus for that glimpse into a perfect moment dedicated completely to You.  Bless them Lord, for touching Your face unhesitatingly. Lord, help me to meet the challenge.

 

Written 6-24-2004

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FORTRESS

23 Jun

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians. 4:13 KJV

People always tell me how strong I am,

Admiring the composure they see.

Yet, inside, Jesus holds the frail

Shaking bird, praying for safety.

Don’t confuse my lack of tears for strength,

they are dammed up behind stone walls,

protecting my vulnerable heart.

Don’t confuse my serene stance for strength,

for it is a mask which covers the myriad

of emotions that are so fragile.

You may never know the real me,

I hide the guilt and pain and fears so well.

I will never allow you close enough

for fear that you might hurt me.

I choose to stay in the safety of loneliness.

I have tried to surrender what I have become,

but, by my own will, I am not strong enough.

 

Neither are you capable of penetrating the fortress

the enemy and I have so carefully built.

Lord, Jesus, descending through the wings of a dove,

strip away the chains, tear down the walls,

that I may learn to love again.

 

Written 5/11/1995

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The Effects of Our Consequences

30 Jan

Dominoes

“And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.  Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.” 1 Corinthians 12:26-27 (KJV)

Behavior – Consequence – Effect

We make choices every day; good choices, bad choices, inconsequential choices – just choices, or so we think.  “I’ll do what I want, it’s my life.”  I’ll do what I want, it’s my body.” It is your life, it is your body, but it is not a separate and disconnected entity.

Drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, thrill seeking, the momentary pleasures that grasp a life and start a domino chain of destruction that spider webs into the lives of countless people you never even consider.  Then there’s suicide, the final decision a person makes that they feel will end the pain in their life, and in that moment of final silence, it devastates tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of people.

Choices.  Addictions.  What happens to the person caught in the addiction trap?  At first it may be fun, pleasurable, then consuming, overwhelming, controlling, and then . . . . . our choices lead to consequences.

People begin to avoid you, your work product begins to fail, if you ever get up and go into work.  Your family, as much as they love you, begins to avoid you.  Spouses leave, keeping you from being with your children.  Your friends, who have always been there for you, refuse to talk to you.  Those who completely trusted you are no longer there.  The respect you had earned disappeared.  Still you spiral down and down and it’s everyone else’s fault, so you say.

If you are fortunate enough to be stopped by law enforcement and given the chance to get clean of those addiction, given another chance at life, given another chance of proving you can be that original amazing person, it will take years.  Years incarcerated, years working twice as hard as others to earn back the trust, the respect, the joy of reuniting with friends and family.

As you fight to regain back what you once had, do you see the effects of your consequences on others?  Do you recognize the emotional battle your family and friends fought as they watched you fail, struggle, grow, fail, struggle, grow?  Do you see their tears and the guilt they feel, wondering if there was something that they could have done to have kept it all from happening?  Do you see the money and time and emotion spent every month to be sure that you have a way to stay in touch and have a few treats.  Do you recognize the nights they spend in prayer and tears, hoping and believing that when this part of your journey has completed that you will find your restoration and not be tempted to give up the struggle to fight back to wholeness and fall back into the temptation of an old lifestyle.

I suspect that you may recognize the consequences of your behaviors, but have you taken the time to understand the wide spread effects of your consequences on so very many others?  Family.  Friends. The kid next door.  Co-workers.  Police Officers.  EMTS.  Nurses.  Prison Guards.  The person who found you near death, or worse, dead.  The person you hurt in a violent rage.  The person you killed in a car accident you don’t even remember having.  The person you stole a precious family heirloom from, to sell for that next “fix.”  The person you pulled into you addiction whose life is following your same path now.

Please hear my heart, in love.  Lord please let my words change the path of someone, many someones, who do not recognize what the consequences of their actions could be, and what the effects of those circumstances will be.  Turn them back.

Behavior  –  Consequence  –  Effect

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