“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
I have been most blessed. God has given me three wonderful boys to love, encourage, and enjoy. Each of them has a strong call of God upon their lives, all in different capacities. We call each one by the name God has placed upon our heart – Pastor Jon, Deacon Eli and Chaplain Paul. In the body of Christ, all positions are of equal importance (1 Cor 12:12), this we have shown them so that neither feels of less importance than the other.
Having children called to the ministry is a tremendous challenge. The challenge isn’t in Bible study or scripture memorization, they strive to meet those desires themselves. The challenge is in recognizing the Spiritual Warfare and the schemes of the enemy that tempt them away from the call God has upon them.
Although there are many stories of miracles and answered prayer for each of them, our greatest challenge has been with our oldest son. He is currently a teenager (written in 2000), raised most of his life in Christian education, but placed into the public school system during the 8th grade, when the Christian school he had been attending closed. Placed in an environment he had never been subjected to, the enemy tempted and attacked, stole and taunted. However difficult these trials were, they couldn’t compare to the luring and wooing that called his name.
With peer pressure and Satan’s enticing whispers, he was drawn into a life we never expected. Although the rejection of family values was difficult for us, it was the running away that tormented our family. Where was he? Was he eating? Did he have a safe place to sleep? Who is he with? Why has he left us? Doesn’t he love us anymore?
Doesn’t he love us anymore? Rejection by your own child. Harsh words and accusations fly about. Why didn’t we see this coming? Only prayer brings us peace, difficult travailing prayer. I can’t begin to explain the depth of emotions a parent goes through in circumstances such as these. Love, hope, anger, hopelessness. Faith, doubt, pain, faith. Sorrow, prayer, memories, trust.
As I prayed one night, I asked God if He could understand the special relationship that grows as you hold that baby, child, young man in your arms and protect him from every possible danger that could come against him – God showed me Jesus, sent to earth to be born in a lowly manger, vulnerable to man, protected by the angels; the same angels that he has sent to watch over my son. I asked God if He could ever understand the pain and the rejection of a child not wanting to be near you, after you’ve been his best friend for most of his life – God showed me Jesus, standing before the crowd, as they chose Barabas to live and Jesus to die. I asked God if He knew what it felt like to sit in your child’s room, empty, hollow, except for the memories that line the walls and shelves – God showed me Golgatha, and Jesus’ lifeless body on the cross. I asked God if He could understand the pain of searching every street, every car, looking closely at every child the same age and build, in hopes of seeing your child, even at a distance – God showed me the people at the cross, dividing Jesus’ clothes, cutting into His lifeless body with a spear, laughing at all He was, void of any righteousness or desire of God. I asked God if He knew what it was like, waiting for the phone to ring or the front door to open, just to hear your child’s voice calling again, waiting , praying – God opened my ears to hear Jesus’ last cry, “Why hast thou forsaken me?”
Yes, He knows. He gave His son willingly, to walk in places of evil that all may be saved, even my son. He gave His son to bring hope, life and peace, knowing the pain and agony His son had to feel before it could be done. He watched as everything His son did was rejected and scorned, even as He lay lifeless. Yes, He knows.
Then God reminded me of the many times I have turned from Him. How many times have I turned my back on the family He has placed me in? How many times have I rejected the values and desires He has placed inside me? How many times have I spoken harsh and hurting words to Him, as I ran away to a world of selfish pleasure? How many times have I simply chosen to be somewhere else instead of in the sweet relationship with my Father? How many times have I put other things, people, places before Him? How many others have done the same?
Forgive us Lord, with your unlimited mercy, for all the times we fell to temptation and disappointed You. Forgive me, Lord, for thinking that You could never understand the pain of a Mother. Remind me that you are in control of all things. Help me to trust You and run back to You all of my days.
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Written 7-14-2000
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Linda J. Humes 